Monday, August 31, 2009

Where did I go?

So this is my 100th post and I really don't have a lot to post about. I haven't written anything in about a week, but I have been keeping up with the blogs I follow.

I am still doing the running program but had to miss on Tuesday due to school open house, overslept on wed (missed that one), and then missed thursday because hubby and I had a rough day and started having adult beverages at 4pm (we were in bed by 6:45 - so sad). I had an ok run Sat. morning but it was so humid that it was like torture for me. I have been so busy that it is hard for me to catch a nap, and sometimes I try to stay up late to see hubby when he gets home from work.

So this morning (after having very crazy dreams) I hit my snooze button on my alarm. Five minutes later I was dragging out of bed. I stood in front of the mirror and tried to convince myself to go back to bed. I really wanted to go back to bed. So standing in my very dark bathroom I saw a faint image of my body and I really thought I had gained 200 pounds over night. Seriously. I had to run now that I gained 200 pounds. So I turn on the light and realized I hadn't gained 200 pounds (thank goodness) but still not pleased to see myself. I get dressed and get in the car to drive over to the gym when I see my running group already turning the block. I realize it was the 5:45am group (which is my group - we have to leave early because we run so slow), but I thought they had discontinued the 2 groups and that we were going to run as one group at 6am. SO now I am bummed because I have to run with the fast people. Like they are really fast for beginners. At 6am we take off (or they take off because they are so fast and I am like a block behind everyone). After 10 minutes I could barely run and walk. I really did turn around and limp back to my car. I wanted to cry.I think I seriously psyched myself out of a decent run starting when I hit the snooze button.

I know I have come a long way since I started in july, but it is so hard for me to see it. The 4 mile race is in 3 weeks and sometimes I wonder if I can achieve my goal (to run the whole race - don't care a thing about my time). I know they say that every run is different and some are going to be good and some are going to be bad, but all of mine have been bad.

I know my weight has a lot to do with it (I have gained weight since starting - all I do is crave food). I have decided to go back to Weight Watchers starting Wed. I realize I can't do it myself even though I have the tools to. I am tired of looking the way I do. All I want to do is look in a mirror and be proud of myself instead of avoiding them. I want to put cute clothes on instead of the same 3 outfits because they fit the most comfortably.
I have some seriously planning to do. I can't afford a personal trainer. Knowing that I have to meet with someone would get me to the gym. I have to sit down and look at my schedule and try to fit in workouts and make myself accountable. I have to figure out what would motivate me to write down all of the calories I consume. I have a lot of work ahead of me!


Southern Champagne Wishes said...

Whew! Just reading about all of that running is exhausting me! I think it's amazing that you get up that early to go running (I couldn't do it, all of my exercising is after work - thus, I hardly ever do it). Pitiful. I have got to get myself on a regime! Your blog is definitely inspiring me!

I know you can do it!

Happiness Is... said...

Aw, I get in funks, too - everyone does. You CAN do it. Just think about how far you've, most people aren't motivated enough to get up in the morning and you do that routinely!

Whitney said...

I've been working on getting myself into a routine, too. So far it's working good and I feel productive. Ususally. I'm in the same boat as you about getting to the gym, etc. You can do it, though!

Anonymous said...

I have faith in you! The Boyfriend and I started a 5k program this week and I'm dying. I think you get points for just getting out of bed and there -- you might not have finished but you tried!

Rachel said...

best of luck honey!

The Rasoul Family said...

I know you can do this!!!!! How can we help each other!

I'm so proud of you for what you have done! I could never get up at 5am to run, heck I can't run at all!!!
You are just having an off day ...I know you can do it!!!!

Chelsi said...

I also think it's amazing you can get up that early to run. I wish I had a similar program somewhere around here. However, I can't even run for five minutes... so I need to start at square one. Whew. You go girl, you may get discouranged, but you'll find motivation again, whether its from your blog comments (!) or from being uncomfortable in your clothes. I have yet to find the motivation to lose more than ten pounds at a time... and there is no excersize involved. So, just know that there are those of us out here in bloggyland that share your struggles. :0)

Rachel said...

I totally feel your pain! I'm in the same boat as you are with clothes... I swear, I have like 3 pairs of work pants and a single pair of jeans that fit and I can wear out - and they are soooo tight! I even (I swear!) got a comment the other day from somebody who was questioning whether or not I was pregnant!!!!! Argh!!!!!! I'd love to buy some cute new clothes that fit, but since I'd really really like to lose some weight, I'd rather not spend the money on clothes that hopefully won't fit in a few months.

I'm starting that new running program next Monday (thanks for the comment!), so hopefully I'll be able to stick to it and be as successful as you have been. I know it doesn't always seem like you are, but you've been at it for 2 months now, and that's great. I'm truly truly starting at sqaure one, so I'm just hoping to make it past the first week!

Just keep at it. A few years ago I lost about 25 pounds, and it was just by sheer perserverance. I just kept at it, little by little. I'm hoping that I can be successful again this time.

Hope things have gotten better for you on the running front!