So this is my 100th post and I really don't have a lot to post about. I haven't written anything in about a week, but I have been keeping up with the blogs I follow.
I am still doing the running program but had to miss on Tuesday due to school open house, overslept on wed (missed that one), and then missed thursday because hubby and I had a rough day and started having adult beverages at 4pm (we were in bed by 6:45 - so sad). I had an ok run Sat. morning but it was so humid that it was like torture for me. I have been so busy that it is hard for me to catch a nap, and sometimes I try to stay up late to see hubby when he gets home from work.
So this morning (after having very crazy dreams) I hit my snooze button on my alarm. Five minutes later I was dragging out of bed. I stood in front of the mirror and tried to convince myself to go back to bed. I really wanted to go back to bed. So standing in my very dark bathroom I saw a faint image of my body and I really thought I had gained 200 pounds over night. Seriously. I had to run now that I gained 200 pounds. So I turn on the light and realized I hadn't gained 200 pounds (thank goodness) but still not pleased to see myself. I get dressed and get in the car to drive over to the gym when I see my running group already turning the block. I realize it was the 5:45am group (which is my group - we have to leave early because we run so slow), but I thought they had discontinued the 2 groups and that we were going to run as one group at 6am. SO now I am bummed because I have to run with the fast people. Like they are really fast for beginners. At 6am we take off (or they take off because they are so fast and I am like a block behind everyone). After 10 minutes I could barely run and walk. I really did turn around and limp back to my car. I wanted to cry.I think I seriously psyched myself out of a decent run starting when I hit the snooze button.
I know I have come a long way since I started in july, but it is so hard for me to see it. The 4 mile race is in 3 weeks and sometimes I wonder if I can achieve my goal (to run the whole race - don't care a thing about my time). I know they say that every run is different and some are going to be good and some are going to be bad, but all of mine have been bad.
I know my weight has a lot to do with it (I have gained weight since starting - all I do is crave food). I have decided to go back to Weight Watchers starting Wed. I realize I can't do it myself even though I have the tools to. I am tired of looking the way I do. All I want to do is look in a mirror and be proud of myself instead of avoiding them. I want to put cute clothes on instead of the same 3 outfits because they fit the most comfortably.
I have some seriously planning to do. I can't afford a personal trainer. Knowing that I have to meet with someone would get me to the gym. I have to sit down and look at my schedule and try to fit in workouts and make myself accountable. I have to figure out what would motivate me to write down all of the calories I consume. I have a lot of work ahead of me!